If I look difference, will I still be who I am?

People have their reason to do or decide to do something but whatever that reason is, only you, youself find that it is reasonable. For the other, they will just put a blame on you or reject that reason. However, who cares? My reason and my decision won't change because I have think more than twice before I reach this decision. I balance the advantage and disadvange. I ask so many people that i trust. I ask advice from almost everyone I know. I consider about it again an again.

I even ask myself,

-If i look different will I be the same ME?
-will I still be someone I used to be?
-will you still accept me as your friend,

your daughter,

your sister,

your cousin,

your granddaughter,

your niece or your student?
-will people look at me the same way as they used to do?
-will they feel disguisting toward me?
-will they chase me away deny that they never knew me?

I can't imagine if the answer is "No".
-That I will not be the same.
-No one will accept the fact that I am Svieta
-No one will accept the fact that they used to know me before
-Everyone feel disguisting
-Everyone chase me away like someone they never know.

And no matter how hard m trying to tell them
-To explain them hoping that they will accept the new me
-To talk to them
-To be friendly
-To remind the past hoping that they will remember me
They just stand up and walk away then what will my life be?
and I'll ask myself did I make the wrong decision?

However, I promise that:
-I will always be the same
-I will always be your daughter,
-Your sister
-Your granddaughter
-Your cousin
-Your niece
-Your student
-Your friend....if You don't mind this newly look ME...

每天将永远是不同的...

yesterday I was so happy because of my individual assignment result but today...
Today I am so sad...and I don't really know the exact reason why I am that sad.
It just like my life is unstable. It keep going up and down, up and down. Sometimes I can be very sad immediately with alittle thing....sigh
well...don't want to said much so I would just end it right here.

what should you do when you feel down or tired of trying?

I know everyone has come across that kind of feeling in a life time. The feeling of sad and want to give up every try because you have try so hard already but the result doesn't improve.

You just feel like, I am so tired of trying, no matter how much u put ur effort in and try your best, You still got the same result as if you don't pay attention to it at all.

I know clearly how it feels like because I , myself rapidly feel that. And I am not good to hide that feeling. Normally after i got the result, I immediately feel so bad about it. I would just look as upset as it is the end of the world. If I can cry I would.

When I got back home I try so hard not to let my parents notice about that because I don't want to turn them down, but after that, I went up to my bedroom and I started to feel that bad again.

I feel like my heart is dying and my mind is stucking refuse to work hard any more. I feel so down. So, what I used to do is to cheer myself up. After a bad day is over, at night before I fall asleep, I used to argue with my feeling of tired of trying.

I would say "No, I cannot stop right here, I haven't achieve my goal yet" and if it is not the happy ending, it's not the end of My story. So, I'll go on by telling myself to try even harder or keep trying. once you have give enough try, there must be one day that you will appreciate with your result.

And that result that i hate to get, that ridiculous mistakes, that laugh of the other about my speech are just a key to remind me, to give me more energy to keep studying more n more and push me toward my door and unlock it successfully.

So, now I am not who I want to be yet, I am still in the process of keep going. However, I feel alot better and appreciate most of my result and that's what I want to share.

-Keep going, keep trying and cheer yourself up.
-Remember your fault, ur mistake and try not to make the same mistake again.
what if u do?? but if u still do. it's ok
-Don't ever feel bad about it. well...u can feel bad about it but after that do sth.
And remember that " A man who never made mistake, never made anything."

Do u believe???

Do you believe in luck, fate, destiny, dream and stuff like that?

To me, I definitely believe that eveything in everysecond that u face with or someone that you might meet is "A destiny" which has already given to you. Though you can change ur life base on your choice but that choice is a destiny. The surrounding environment and ur dream help u to reach ur decision. After u decided which way to go, luck'll help u reach ur goal, help ur dream come true and the result is ur fate, ur destiny.

What I like to see...

I would like to see myself as:

- a brilliant student

- a grateful daughter

- a successful girl

- a true friend

- ......

- .....

.

.

.

.

.

.

besides that, the picture below are also the view that I like to see.

The sea....yeah It is the sea.
The blue sea and the sky,
The smell of the salt water and the sand
The wind blow and the sound of the seawave
did impress me pretty much...

The historical places which enable me feel the history and the mystery of the past

The natural view (green) represent peace and quite

City, where I know that I am not alone. Though it's quite complex, stress and boring but I like it anyway.

PS: I took this photo and it's not in Cambodia

so tell me, what would u like to see?

Do we have the same life?

People born - grow up - mature - love - married - old - sick - die.

This is what generally happen to each and everyone of us as a human being. However, we all have different life. Girl at my age, some are mature enough to get married and enter a different stage of life while some prefer to get married only after they graduate. From this point, we can see that people at the same age experienced different life. Sometimes, I really wonder how my friend would feels like getting married at this age but feeling so doesn't mean I want to get married. I just wonder how different and difficult they might feel getting married quite young because if I were them, I cannot accept it. I cannot adapt with such a new, huge fast changes in life. It's kinda too fast...so I think I know how hard they might feel and face with to enter a new stage like this once in a life time...

About the author....

Welcome to my blog once again...Actually, I have created 4 blogs already but i just don't have time for it, so I delete it, and then when i want to write, i made another new one. Then i don't have enough time for it, i deleted it again and again and again. This is my fifth blog:D and this time i won't delete it, i promise.

So, the main idea of this post is to admit that I am not a good writer at all. You will find many ridiculous mistakes everywhere here but please endure with it...

Then who am I ? Who is the author? well...I am just someone like you all, i am a year 2 scholaship student at IFL and also a ELBBL student at RULE. Wow...seems like my position suppose be someone whose English is great right?? But again, I am not....I used to hate writing very much and my writing is very very bad but thanks to one person who made me LOVE writing so much. Even it's not the best writing of all but I feel more confident and positive about it.

PS: that ONE person is my writing skill Lecturer, don't get confuse...