I am always like that....stupid ME:(

Well, it's a shame to confess that I keep repeat what I hate about myself.

I got my "Take-Home exam" on Friday last week and the deadline is Friday this week (Midnight).
I have one week to do it, to write it as beautiful as I can but...

I started to do it on Thurday (just one day before the deadline) .
I never have a clear view on how to write such a legal analysis, but then my lecturer sent us a sample with a clue about the important issue that are present in the case.

How stupid I was...I didnt search for more sample of memorandum. Memorandum??? what is that? how to write it?? I have no idea. My friend did search for different style of memorandum. They could write a very nice one while mine is a mess.

I spent some time on Thurday morning to do it and sleep for the whole afternoon, then off to land law class in the evening. I got back home continue alittle bit and then go to bed.

Friday has come, I woke up at 9am and start doing the exam again at 9:30am.
I had lunch at 11:30 and then took a nap until 4:00pm. while I am taking nap 3 of my friends were having a meet up at school to work on the exam together. They work really hard while I enjoy sleeping at home. After I woke up, I have some snack and then go shopping with my parents at the New mall that just open 3 days ago (City Mall)
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I got back home at 9:00pm and finished my dinner at 9:30pm. I try to finish my work no matter how, because it's almost 12:00am. While I am doing it, I also chat with 2 friends of mine. One is just went to US last week the, other one is having a birthday party today so I just drop by to say happy birthday. I also reply some comment on facebook.

Can you believe that?? I spent more time having fun than spending on my exam, so finally I did it....yeah!!! done. After I have sent it to the lecturer, Me and my friend exchange one another work.

I opened my friend's work and read it.....
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It was so nice. Everything is clear and going step by step with proper result while mine is chopping in piece and leave it out without a solution.

And everytime I did it, I always feel regret and keep saying the same nonsense word like:
- If only I pay more attention to it
- If only I do more research
- If only I read more books
- If only I take it alittle bit more serious
- If only I share my idea with my friend just like they did
- If only I am not this stupid
- If only I am not careless
- If only I spend more time on it
- If only I started to do it earlier
- If only...........................................

It's still (IF) but it is not. It's too late
I hate myself for didn't do or try my best
I hate myself for always regret at the end of the day
I hate myself for not realized it on time
I hate myself for my stupidity.......... and that's what I want to say.

A random post!!

There's a time when we jumped into one another and found out how well we can get along.
There's a time when I am sad, angry, regret...and you are always be my lisener.

There's a time when we have alot of fun together and there's a time when you titled me as "Your friend".

But there's also a time when I am not sure to call you '''My friend' or else. I know I am not perfect and no one is perfect, but each of us is special. I am just the simple one among all of you but what is weird is, I like to judge people. I might like you at the first time, but after I know you quite well, I can judge what type of person you are, and that's the time I started to accepted you as a good friend or wanted to get away from you. I used to take a quiz to find out what is my secret talent and the result is "A Mind reader". It's partly correct. As I like to observe people's word, facial expression, eye contact or action, I can make a judgement and tell that they are fake or real. I know what they are thinking or what make them do such a thing. I can tell the reason why they said such a word or do such a generous thing. I sometimes like you alot, but some other time, I feel like you are evil and take me for granted. I feel like, you are a type of people who like to take advantage from a friend like me.

I feel like you are fake and pretending when you are with me, and it's not only about what I feel, but from my long term accurate judgement...I am sorry to say that you have woke me up from an unconscious nightmare...Now I can see who you really is and that's enough.

I have many friends but among those friend, 3 or 4 is my best friend that I can rely on. I guarantee that the people I called "My best friend" are deserve to be called.

They are:

- whom I know at least 3 years
- whom I am brave to show them the real me

- whom I feel free and happy to see them

- whom I feel safe to be with

- who understand me and know what I want to say in that kind of situation.

- who can finish my sentence correctly

- who never hide any useful information from me

- who always want me to have my dream come true

- who take me as a friend without seeing anything from me

- who is helpful in case I am in danger

- who is truely care about me, love me, support me, encourage me

- who has no trick at all

- whom I feel lucky to have found them

-who feel lucky to have found me.

- I am so scare to lose them. I would say "A best friend must be REAL and RARE" that's why we call it the BEST.

I am in my changing process...

Well...I feel the change in my behavior, my attitute, my habit, I feel the change in my life. Though, people couldn't see it yet but you, yourself is the one who know it better than anyone else, isn't it?

I don't like to play around, kidding or talk nonsense thing anymore. I feel tired of being crazy and careless. I am tired of everything I used to do. I am tried of such a kiddo idea. I think I am getting mature, but sometimes I am still who I used to be simply because I am not completely change. I didn't want to change myself but I don't know why I suddenly change. I suddenly don't trust anyone surround me any more even they are whom I used to trust and need supported from. It's hard to describe what I feel right now. It's also impossible to share what I feel here. As I mention earlier, I don't trust anyone , so I am kind of selfish to share my story with the other people. The new me is the selfish one but the old me is telling me that I can't leave this blog and I can't even leave you all alone wondering where I am...

Happy Birthday to my twin name friend...

Today is your birthday...I went to my chinese class as usual but you were not there. I leave the class at 11 o'clock and went to a gift shop with our other 2 friends. We were looking for a gift for you, but I can't stay too long, cus my mum keep calling me home for lunch. I decided to buy you a pair of shoes and I am glad to know that you love it. I drive back home, but your house is near my house, so I went to your house first to drop a gift for you. We took some pictures together... hahaha and here we go...












on the way to her house, was taking this pic while I was driving so it's a bit blur.....














Svetlena & Svieta

I am back!

Okay...I am back to who I am...wink! but....

What a shame!!!

Oh my god!! this evening I got a quiz... Guess what? It was really easy if only I did review but....It's a shame to confess that I didn't review at all. Oh dear, my lecturer would be upset if he know that I am so lazy and careless like this. I'm sure he know it. The worse thing is, I even write something stupid at the end of the quiz paper. I can't believe that I wrote such a thing. It was stupid and I am not that type of student who used to write somthing stupid like that at the end of the exam paper, but I don't know why I did it this evening. I am on my vacation, I stay at home almost the whole day and I only attend my law class in the evening which mean I have plenty of time to do the review for this quiz. But look at me...look at what I did today. I laugh at my answer when I read it again. I just write to fill the space...oh god...I feel bad of my carelessness... :(

Finally I am back, but....

It's been such a long time that I have no chance to get online or update my blog. This Saturday I got internet at home back but you know what? I still couldn't get online or post anything new immediately because I get sick again. The last time is cold but this time I don't how to name it. I was dizzy and vomit and the feeling at that time was really bad and hard to maintain. However, this morning, the moment that I am typing this post, I am better, just still alittle dizzy. Anyway...this is just a short post to inform all of my followers that I am back. Smile

Dream...

Each and every person has their own dream. Some of them could even turn their dream into reality while some would keep on dreaming for the rest of their life. To me, I classify dream into 2.

One, it is a "Dream" that can come true when we work hard enough to achieve it. For example, a dream to be a lawyer, a doctor, a famous film star, etc...

Two, is a "Dream" that is just a dream which I wanted to talk about. It is a dream that is a little too different from reality. A dream which will never come true. A dream that is too impossible to come true. Knowing that It is just a dream, we still want to dream endlessly simply because everything in the dream is too beautiful and go smoothly as we want it to be. It's peaceful, relax, happy, memorable, and satisfaction which is so different from our real world that full of competition, argument, conflict and too cruel with violent, jealousy, envious, hatred, that you always wanted to escape and live in your beautiful dream's world forever and ever and don't even want to wake yourself up.

I, sometimes even wish to have a life like in the fairytale, novel or drama. Though my life is so perfect and I feel lucky to be born in this family, still I wish to have a life as in the drama, so is this what we call greedy??
I guess it's a part of it, but it doesn't mean I am not satisfy with what I am possessing right now, but for the future instead. This is obviously because I don't really know what my future will be like, so I just hope and dream to have a future that go so well as in the drama and end with a happy ending, but at the same time I have to force myself to wake up and accept the reality that I am living with and go on with my daily life hoping that everything will be alright, Hoping that tomorrow is a great day that leave me with a good lesson of life, a better experience than yesterday, and the best day that I have ever had.

I am Freeeeee....yeaaaa....

Finally, the day that I am waiting for has arrive. It is today, no not today but tonight. From tonight on I will be so free...

what should I do then?? let me think
-sleep
-eat
-sleep
-eat
-sleep
-eat
-go to law school

I'll try to post something more interesting besides just about ME.