so confusing...

it's been such a long long time that I havent come to my blog. well...I am busy since the school start again this year. and even now, when I am typing this post. I was just keep typing without caring about any mistake, organise it or have any proper plan. It just a free writing to make me feel better. I write whatever pop up in my mind and those thing keep changing all the time. I am sorry if it make u as a reader feel confuse while reading this post. Like u have no idea what is going on. I might talking alittle bit about this and than go alittle bit about the other thing. Simply because I don't understand myself too. I kinda feel upset and disappointed.

I don't really want to use my blog to complain thing about life. I used to try to be professional and post sth that might be useful. Yet, I can't avoid it. I have no one to tell. Actually, I do have many people to tell but sometime I feel that they are get bored of listen to my complain and I dont really want to disturb them any more. It's strage right? that I said I didnt want to tell anyone but come right away to this blog n post everything here. well...blog is alittle bit different. 'My story will be post here and will be read by many ppl even s1 I dunno. So, those ppl will know my story but they might be interesting to read cus if not just get out of here. I am not telling you. I just wrote it out to release my...my stress, my sad feeling. So, it's already there for ppl to read if they want to and leave it if they don't.

All right, I might going to far. You might wonder what is really going on? what is the problem? Am I upset? Angry? and what was the reason? why?

Again, it's nth much beside life. The word life is short but it's a huge words. It's sometime make ppl feel tired of it. It's not what always going well and perfectly alright like what u expect it to be. It often so complicated and so complex with many difficulty and problems. It's make ppl feel really tired at the end of the day and hoping that tmr, the new day, might be better. The new day won't be the same and that everything in the next day would be the happy ending. But, is that really happen when tmr come? does everything seems to change completely? I meant, u still the same ppl doing the same thing.

Also, the world is not big butnot small neither. ppl actually live on the same planet but different world. they experience different thing and meet different ppl. Sometimes, you body, ur behavior do sth different from what u want urself to behave. You actually know what is right and what is wrong to do, but, still, you make a mistake. You make everybody judge u wrong. You make the bad first impression and no one seems to care abt u. in contrast, you are not like that but it just hard to be real. It's hard to be u with many ppl around. I meant, what they see is not you at all.

who's care? I dun care and no one will care. just ignore it? be rude? be mean? no that's not what u want ppl to think abt u that way. but ppl are bad u know. they are just unbelievable. scary and cunning, tricky, cheated....so should u adapt in that environment by being mean, tricky too? should u? should I? should we?

One more thing, why do ppl have to feel jealous of the other? why don't just do u best with what u have? why have to be envious with the other? I know that no one gonna come n answer such a question I asked and in fact I am not asking anyone to answer this. I just want to complain. Have my voice heard. Make me feel better and that's it.

I know I sound so mean and rude in this post. It's like I didnt care abt other ppl at all. Even the way I type today. No capital letter when I start the sentence and I used lots of informal words showing that I dun really care abt the reader. whether ot not they understand what I am writing abt. Okay...I think this's enough. I feel alot better now and I might go to bed too :) thanks for reading my random confusing silly post. Night night..zZzZzZzzz....